Today many thoughts have been going through my mind about my life and things I have been through. I am a person that believes there are no coincidences, and no accidents. That everything that happens here on earth God knew and allowed. He is Sovereign He knows the end from the beginning and everything in the middle. That is at times a hard truth to accept but I do and I praise Him anyway. I have said and will continue to say He has never done me wrong, regardless of things that has happened to me.
There is nothing hidden from Him, you cannot surprise Him or catch Him off guard. He knows all and yes He sees all, He even knows the very intention of our heart when we do something. Whether it be for good or evil, He knows. You cannot play “dumb” with God my friends, there will be zero manipulation or deception on your part that will convince God you are a “good” person. That is why I believe it is so very important to pray and ask God to show me/you the secret chambers of our heart if there is any form of sin hidden deep within. Is there any secret sin I am clinging to and have not let go that I have justified somehow? I would rather find out now, than to hear depart from Me. Some think this is silly to ask and that we are born again and forgiven so just live your life to the best of your ability and understanding of the Word of God. Yet, David cried out search me Oh God! Try the reigns of my heart! If we have sin that has not been surrendered or if we have jealousy, envy, unforgiveness, gossip, backbiting, causing divisions etc in our lives Jesus will not say, “Well done thou good and faithfull servant”. And if you think He will you are deceived greatly.
So getting back to my thoughts this morning. Many may not know this but in March of 2000 I was married to my 3rd husband. It was on a Friday and I was the happiest woman in the world. Until Monday came along and I had a deposition I had to go to, for a law suit I had filed for wrongful termination against my employer which was one of the most famous and prosperous restaurants in the world. My new husband drove me and we thought we would only be there a couple hours at the most. Well, that couple hours lasted for several hours. My husband had to go to work so he asked my lawyer if he could drive me home afterwards, he agreed. For over 8 hours with one break to smoke, I was grilled, humiliated, and every single bad thing that ever happened in my life they knew and dropped it in my lap.
It went something like this…
Oh your first husband cheated on you. ~drop~ Your first husband was accused of trying to rape your younger sister. ~drop~ Your first husband was accused of molesting another sister for years. ~drop~ Your first husband had multiple affairs ~Drop~ Your daughter was sexually molested at the age of 2-3, no proof by whom. ~drop~ You and first husband divorce, your second husband (later who you would be married) moves to Florida to find a job and a house because you are pregnant. ~drop~ Your first husband and you reconcile you have your child. You did not know who the father was because you would go and have sex with your ex husband on a Friday before he got your daughter for the weekend because you thought it was him molesting your daughter and if you had sex he would not hurt her. ~drop~ You were molested as a child ~drop~ You had to live with your blind grandma as a young girl and take care of her. ~drop~ You were raped and dumped out in front of the high school for all to see and make fun of. ~drop~ Your momma picks you to take you to the hospital to be checked out, she asks you if you feel like a woman now? ~drop~ When you married your second husband you called your oldest sister and told her you made the biggest mistake of your life just 2 hours after saying I do. ~drop~ You got pregnant with your third child, before you found out you tried to kill yourself because of severe depression. ~drop~ You find out you are pregnant depression worsens, living conditions were very bad for you. ~drop~ You tried to leave your husband with your two children being 6 months pregnant on a bus. ~drop~ Getting to Georgia you call your husband to pick you in Georgia. Husband wants to commit you for having Pre Partum depression ~drop~ Your family from Michigan calls the police on your husband in Florida because of abuse. ~Drop~ You move back to Michigan with your three children when your baby was 1 and a half months in secret. ~drop~ You get hired at said restaurant and work your way up to management. You and your husband reconciled. You cheat on husband he throws a beer bottle at you when you get home after midnight from shopping. He hits a picture above your head glass landed in your head, blood was everywhere. Your small children wake up and sees blood you tell them it was ketchup that the bottle squirted on your face to go back to bed. Husband flees because you called the ambulance and they called the police. ~drop~ You and your husband reconcile but it was not a happy life, then you separate again. During this separation your step daughter wanted to live with you also. You hit two deer coming home from work at 2 in the morning, you over sleep you are woke up by 2 police officers standing over your bed asking if you know where your children are? ~drop ~ Your 2 small children still in diapers were running around in the rain and crossed the road to the neighbors house. They called the police your house was in shambles, children got in the food you brought home from work and it was thrown everywhere. Police investigate your story, finds your car on the side of the road found the 2 dead deer as well. But you are now under investigation with child protective services. ~drop~ Child protective services come and investigate case is closed. ~drop~ Your 2 year old daughter is ran over tragically in your driveway and dies. ~drop~ You pick her lifeless body off the road after begging her to wake up to open her eyes. She was lifeless with blood coming from her nose and mouth. You pick her up and see your step daughters friends mother who ran her over, sunk down by a tree screaming I did not see her I did not see her!! You are screaming call 911 someone call 911. You carry your daughter into the front sun porch lay her down and talk with operator on the phone. You tell her your daughter is purplish blue unresponsive not breathing and blood from mouth and nose. You call your work and tell them you wont be in!!!! You look up to see the medic on duty, was a high school friend you beg him to save your baby girl, he looked hurt and wounded. ~drop~ You get to the hospital all alone sitting in the room waiting. A nurse comes in and with a hopeful tone asks you your daughters name you tell her Savannah Rose, she then says she is sorry Savannah did not make it and walks out. You slam your head into a brick wall. ~drop~ Your mother and sister get to the hospital you meet them in the hall demanding they pray for your daughter to come back life because the God they serve can do that. ~drop~ Your husband shows up you both go in the room where they have your baby girls body. They remove the sheet from her, your husband falls backward like a stiff board. You thought he had a heart attack. ~drop~ You are driven home hours later news reporters everywhere at your house, you are covered in blood. ~drop~ The day you were to return to work you get a phone call that early morning from your sister telling you that your father has just died in a horrible accident. Just days after telling him that he can move in with you. ~drop~ You were prescribed a lot of medication. Your work advanced you money to pay for a car rental and a room to go to your father’s funeral. It was then you found out your dad had lied to you all about being 3/4 Indians but he was 1/2 Cherokee and 1/2 black. You meet your half brothers and sister for the first time ~drop~ You are admitted into the mental hospital diagnosed with manic depression. Put on a lot of medication. You begin drinking 🍸 and smoking a lot of Marijuana you quit eating you just drank, smoked cigarettes, and Marijuana. With the medication you were on the alcohol affect would double it was an unsafe mix. ~drop~ Now we come to why we are here, you say you were forced to attend a Christmas party serving alcohol and was encouraged to drink there. A party you say you did not want to go to because you were not celebrating any holidays that it had only been 5 months since your daughter and father died. You claim your supervisor and boss told you it was okay to drink and even offered to drive you back to work to finish your shift. You drove yourself and have admitted not remembering driving or even working. Then next day you were discharged from your duties because you were drunk at work. ~slam dunk~ All of that dropped in my lap husband gone to work I am sitting among strangers with no one to help me. There was more said but it would take a book to write it all down. Somehow, someway these lawyers knew every single detail of my life, and I mean every single detail. The shameful details, the painful details every single detail. I can only think they somehow got my medical records and read them from psychiatrist, therapists, hospital stays etc. Before you think that is not feasible, let me just tell you we are talking about a multi-billion dollar restaurant, billions as in plural. Money talks and then again so does threats.
All this was on my mind today, no tears, no anger, but back then I truly lost my mind literally. By the time it was over I sat in the car with this lawyer that I did not even know in a trance basically. I did not know which way was up or even who I was. I ended up once again in the mental hospital and there was told that I am the type of person that would take the blame and responsibilities of another and say it is my fault and truly believe it was my fault. This doctor went ahead and said if he had 50 people lined up and had to chose one to take the blame for anything he would choose me. He then told me of experiments they did in his country to see how the mind works. One involved a poor dog tied to a tree 🌳 and the food would be out of reach but the water close enough. The collar that held the dog would shock the dog if it tried to go to the food dish by yanking on his collar. After several days the dog would not even look at the food dish. When they removed the collar and set the food closer though that poor dog was starving to death refused to go to the food! That poor animal associated food with pain and refused to eat!!! Then he told me of a young child, the doctor would repeatedly say, I bet you were scared when your momma lost you at the mall. At first the child would say my mom never lost me, over time after hearing this same thing over and over and over he said that child would then begin to tremble and cry and say yes they were terrified when that happened!!! But it never happened!!! A false memory of being terrorized was created!
It was later after months of drinking, dope, shame and regret the LORD Jesus Christ called my name. Not outloud but I was born again in 2000-2001when I entered that psychiatrists office, I sat down never said a word. He looked up from his desk and I will never forget it, he said to me, “What has happened? There is something different about you, what has happened?” I smiled and said, “I am a child of the King and I am born again Jesus Christ forgave me of my sins”! He rested the side of his head on two of his fingers and sat there looking at me. He then said, “I do not need to see you again. You will be fine “. Unfortunately I did see him again after I backslid and was beaten beyond recognition I was committed once again and he was my doctor.
So I go through all of this in my mind, and then thoughts of the trials in 2021-2024, and I come to the realization, none of it was for nothing. You see I am of personal belief and conviction a huge persecution is coming to the world and the most severe will be here in Amercia the most spoiled self centered well off nation in the world. And I believe there will be crafty tricks, persuasive techniques to try and get people of faith to surrender to them. I personally believe they will use our past as a means of persuasion. They will try and shame us into compliance they will know every single wicked thing ever done to you and by you as they do the politicians and control them.
If I had not been through the things I have been through and discovered it was only by God’s grace and mercy I was able to overcome, I would be sideswiped and probably lose my mind when this all happens. But I am not who I used to be, and though I still do cry 😢 I am stronger now in Christ Jesus than ever before. I have not hidden one thing of my past. The reason being is I knew and still know it will be brought out to the forefront and be used to force me into compliance through shame if I am not transparent now. Also, I truly believe the LORD is teaching me to set my face like flint and do not wear my heart on my sleeve and do not let their military mental tactics get me in the flesh but to stay firm and stay faithful and stay silent.
We are living in dangerous times more dangerous than most perceive. Family cannot be trusted, family will turn away and forsake you, if you are blessed to have a friend be careful and make sure they are for you and won’t be a turn coat when things get tough, because things are going to get hard, persecution, tribulation, betrayal, possible death.
Now right now this day make up your mind whom you are going to serve then serve Him with your whole heart.
Watchmen On The Pod 