I sometimes just have no one to talk with, I am positive I am not alone in this predicament in life.
Let me explain.
I was diagnosed in Oct. 2016 with breast cancer. The week of Thanksgiving I had surgery, then in Dec. I started chemo. right after chemo straight to radiation. In late February 2017 as a prodigal daughter I returned to the Heavenly Father in humility and repentance. He forgave me for more filth than an average person can understand.
In July 2017 I stopped radiation early because of a horrible radiation burn along my left side that they said I needed to go into a burn chamber to heal. But after spending 3 days in the hospital because of the severity of the burn, I had been praying for deliverance from smoking. When I left the hospital that afternoon this thought came into my mind, “you either buy a pack or you do not and He will deliver you”. Well I have not smoked since July 2017 and I know that was because Father delivered me. Three days later when I was suppose to go into the chamber for my first treatment on the burn He completely healed me! My side was healed and perfectly normal, no scars.
When I was going through cancer treatment they ran a test which came back a triple negative. Basically saying it was a “wildcard”cancer and if it came back it could come back as any kind of cancer but it eould come from my breast cancer. I cannot tell you more, cause I do not understand any of this.
Ok fastforward to now. I have been struggling with arthritis for over two years now. It started as rheumatoid arthritis then to osteoarthritis then to psoratic arthritis. It hurts I ache every day but it is bareable.
Until about 2 months ago all of a sudden the pain that I have been experiencing is beyond anything I can explain. It is not like the other arthritis pain I have at all. This pain is deep within my bones that go from my knee to my ankle and from my elbow to my wrist. I wanna say it is a dull throbbing pain but that makes it sound manageable when it isnt. It is like restless leg on steroids! Also my legs have begun to swell, not everyday but when they do its large. And now within the last week I have been so sick to my stomach, nauseous and cramping but no fever. Not everyday but more like every other or every three days. And completely exhausted just so tired.
These symptoms are symptoms for bone cancer and yes, I have called my oncologist. She wants to see me and get a cat scan done to find out what’s happening. I also see my RA on Friday.
I know I should not be concerned or worry. I am not afraid to die I am confident in Christ Jesus. Yet, the idea of possibly being diagnosed at this time during the ugliness in this world and having to choose between treatment which would include vaccines, chemo and who honestly knows what, and no treatment at all to slowly die.
Then I think Father have I sinned and now a worse thing has come on me? Have I done Him wrong and not know it? If I am diagnosed thst would that bring shame on Him?
Just in tears right now. I don’t ever want to shame Him or bring a reproach on Him. He has never done me wrong ever and I love Him so much.
Then again I could be worried over nothing except maybe another of arthritis.
So much on my mind and in my heart.
Just needed to get this of my chest I guess I dont want pity. I actually want to run away and hide, I am at a loss and just need Jesus Christ, He is my refuge and strong tower.
I love you all so much. God bless.
Pamela Joyousnjesus McDonald
Watchmen On The Pod 