I Cry

Pamela JoyousNJesus McDonald 

I sit back and watch others with their mommas, or see the happiness in the faces of married couples, and people laughing and joking around without a care in the world it seems. Never giving eternity a second thought.

Then I look at myself and wonder what is wrong with me?

It is an honest question really.

I wanna joke around, I wanna throw caution to the wind sometimes and just laugh. I want to see my momma again, or feel the arms of a husband around me with gentle, genuine love.

But those times are gone for me that I know.

There is no time for that in my life anymore.

~THEN~

I look around and see those who once loved the LORD so much, now running around with the world and not thinking twice about it.

I watch others behaving like the world but claim Christ’s Name bringing shame to His Name.

I watch others who know the right way, but, put it off for a more convenient time.

The tears that are streaming from my heart, to my eyes, and down my cheeks are heavy tears.

Don’t get me wrong I smile, I do laugh at things.

But more often than not sorrow seems to be my life partner anymore.

I look at my family who I love so much, and see the slippery slope they are on and I am compelled to intercede for them.

I see people looking to the Government for help, but refuse to look to our Creator in this time of need.

I see those who were on the verge of repentance and witness the demons take that seed away quickly.

I ask myself, am I too serious? Do I take things to far?

I watch those that once wanted to learn more about salvation and the LORD, to now shrink away further and further during this in home shelter, and it pangs me greatly.

I watch them bring back old habits from drinking, to bitterness, to drugs.

I cry…

I have prayed and asked the LORD  to give me a heart like His for the lost, for the unlovable, for those abused. Those who society considers “throw aways”.

My desire is to die completely to my own wants, and desires and to grow in His. But before that can happen, the sanctification must be allowed to take place and the sin of pride, selfishness, angry, etc must be put to death.

So the war inside in me is very real. The Spirit is fighting against the flesh, and the flesh against the Spirit.

The Spirit is pulling me closer to the Father and the flesh is pulling me into self pity.

And still I cry…